drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
