wat bout pragnant strippers??
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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