thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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