I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
