I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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