dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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