So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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