I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
