my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
