I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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