The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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