how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
