Grow some girl-balls and come out already
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
