Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
