At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
