If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
