Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
