The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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