I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
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Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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