using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
