I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
