Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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