No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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