As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need to align my fucking chakras
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
