Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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