I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
