its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
