she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
