That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
