How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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