Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
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