I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
