So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
