We're like a lot better than the average bears
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
