Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
