i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
