i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours