so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.