why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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