i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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