used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
