I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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