i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
