You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
