it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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