who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize