i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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