he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
