Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
