Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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