fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
