I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
