She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
How's work?
Spinning.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
