I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
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