I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
