Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
