If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Randomize
