we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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