Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
