1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Randomize