i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize