Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
