if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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