you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
