It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
