hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
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Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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