It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
