Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
