do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
