I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
